Twenty Things To Do When Your Train Is Delayed At Basin Bridge

Twenty Things To Do When Your Train Is Delayed At Basin Bridge

Yesterday (or was it the day before), on our way back from Yelagiri, as at innumerable other times, our train, the Brindavan Express, or as I not so fondly term it, the 'Can of Sardines' Express was again stuck at Basin Bridge (200 meters from Chennai Central terminus, for those strangers to Chennai) – and not for the lack of a platform to receive the train. Whine we did. Then an idea struck me. Why not think of twenty wildest things that one could do while waiting for that final lap to freedom - a la 'Roxanne'?

Here's the list:

1. The obvious: Sleep!
2. The official: Write a letter to the Railway Minister, have a fellow passenger purchase a stamp from Chennai Central PO and drop the envelope in the RMS coach attached to the train.
3. The ridiculous: Begin writing a thesis!
4. The hopeful: Cut vegetables for dinner!
5. The stupid: Walk over to the station master and ask him to switch the signal on.
6. The imperious 'Rambo' act: Hijack the train and barge in! (Hey, I watched that movie!)
7. The exaggerated: Take out a rail roko dharna
8. The business-minded: Arrange a train-side presentation for the client
9. The romantic: Start a love affair with the girl who wouldn't look your way, much less talk to you.
10. The statistical: Predict the average wait-time based on train frequency and track density.
11. The economist's: Compute the loss to exchequer from those who skip office the next day.
12. The angry: Sue the railways for sweaty clothes!
13. The silver-lining: Thank God for not holding up the train behind a goods train whose driver was last seen at the track-side dhaba!
14. The hypochondriac: Compute the time before dehydration sets in on emptying the water bottle. (Will the Railway Emergency Van have precedence over outgoing trains?)
15. The miserly: Hope the train is delayed until morn when the taxi reverts to its normal rates!
16. The feminine: Argue about the pros and cons of rescheduling the beauty salon appointment versus attending the PTA!
17. The academic: Posit and test the hypothesis that the delay is directly proportion to the anxiety among passengers.
18. The comic: A mid-track bhangra that goes 'na tu time par aaya, na maine platform khola, thoda delay ho gaya, rabba rabba'!
19. The religious: Seek to convert the fellow passenger who stretches his legs under your seat.
20. The prudent: Elbow your way to the TTE and book a berth for the night! (the luggage rack is fine!)