Zip, Zap, Suuueee me!

Zip, Zap, Suuuuee me!


Ganga Prasad G. Rao
http://myprofile.cos.com


Euro vehicle pollution standards and lead-free gasoline are so much in the news that one can't be faulted to presume the air is getting cleaner around us. But wait before you breathe too deeply! Would you care to walk out of your thickly curtained air-conditioned bungalow? At around 8:30-9 am on a cold morning to be precise. That's when the neighbor revs up his two-stroke scooter releasing a white plume. Now who would protest refreshing some benzene and carbon-monoxide to accompany your cuppa chai?! Join me as we find our way to work through the potholes and the braving the death-defying motoring strategies of the two- and three-wheelers. What's that smell? It can't be....thankfully, it isn't. It's only the foul smell from the rickety diesel-guzzling lorry in front of you. Defying all laws of physics, it seems to exist merely to spout soot and other toxics in to your lungs. Pardon me, how is diesel subsidized? By the age of the vehicle and the inefficiency of its engine? I zip past it only to find the light changing at the intersection. At this distance in the turning lane, it will be the third cycle before I get through. Just as I notice how environmentally competitive our sedans have turned over the years, I notice the phat phatees, those hybrids that seem like scaled-up autos or ultra-mini vans. These were endemic to North India. How and why they migrated to the South is a mystery, perhaps even a conspiracy. So clean in their first few months of introduction, I was half-deceived in to endorsing them. After all, they did take the pressure off the public buses. As time wore by, some of them have turned true rivals of their more polluting cousins on the road. Very likely, vehicle inspection is many months away; besides, all it takes is a tweak of the valve and a few notes in the hands of the middle-man.

Ahh, there's the free stretch of road. Shall I turn the window down for some fresh air? Let me, just a .....What's tha...? Black smoke in my face. Where did that come from? Oh, an SUV. Those macho, muscular 4x4s that were designed for pure pleasure .... to the owner. Why care for those pedestrians in the rear view mirror, black-faced, and gassed out as they are likely to be! And why is the bus overtaking me? Did I say the lorries were dirty? My God, that was nothing, compared to these buses. Rivaling the lorries in age and crowded with subsidized passengers beyond all human limits, these paleolithic buses fulfill their environmental duty unswervingly, everyday – distributing sooty exhaust throughout the urban limits and even into suburbs (Gotta hang on to the bus for dear life and breathe smoke and dust to qualify for HRA at Class I city rate!). With extended hours, they ensure that even the early morning walker is not spared his fresh breath of air! Lorries, buses, phat-phatees and SUVs. Does that cover the whole ambit of polluting vehicles? You didn't forget vans did you? So convenient, and yet, so polluting. The very van that picks and drops your child to and from school also pollutes the road, even your living room. That's the irony of India. To obtain convenience, one must sacrifice health. In the long run, it may not even qualify as a zero sum game!

Come January, new rules are likely to be enforced and the existing ones applied to more cities and towns. Does that herald cleaner air? Despite the government's claims, No. Very likely, the increase in emissions from the entry of new vehicles (Remember, the UTI Auto fund must make money?) will swamp any reduction in emissions from the existing fleet. More vehicles on the road also means more congestion and more time idling at the intersection. That should reduce emissions some. Not! As for the vans, as much I might hate its exhaust, the fact that they are safer than three-wheeled autorickshaws, only portends to their more widespread use, both in the urbs and suburbs. And with many of us 'upgrading' to, or adding an SUV to declare our income to Aayakar Bhavan, the air isn't going to get cleaner, any time soon, claims to the contrary notwithstanding. So, if you are one of those old-timers waiting for fresh cool summer breeze or a cold blast of fresh wintery air for your walk, I have news for you.

Don't wait for packaged Alaskan air!


To pollute is my birth right
To protest not yours
Be a patriot, look away and ignore,
any transgressions of the commons
Remember, a developing nation are we,
can't put on the airs of the developed
We must lay to waste this air, water and land
to reduce cost this generation
(Why, the lung is a regenerable organ!)
so we may make money cleaning up in the next (or the one after)
Those are the lessons of Indian capitalism,
learn it, forgive it, live it!

(psst: Tried Johny Walker with Kurkure? Kya majha aata hai bhai!)