Capture the Regulator!

Capture the Regulator!
(Caution! Reading this drivel may bring the mafia to your door)


Ganga Prasad G. Rao
http://myprofile.cos.com/gangar


Having myself been a victim of a long-drawn conspiracy involving regulations on the industry, I have over the years developed what has been described as an acerbic tongue, not to mention, an acerbic style of writing. After all, after years of mail and email fraud, not to mention gassing at office, and murderous mobikes whizzing past at 2.9 mach, and perhaps having been declared 'dead' a thousand times over, I have learnt not to rub the shoulders of the powers that be. NNNOOOTTT! So,for a change, here are some absolutely frivolous regulatory wisecracks to chew on. Mind you, they are rather unbecoming of my credentials.


No, not all regulators are treated like spies. Just this past weekend I played golf with the ....well, never mind!

That puncturing of new car tyres, that was not us. And that camera you lost on your way back. That too. ...No, not that head-on accident on the highway.

Why do you get angry if we gas you at work in your office?

Yes, we reward your detractor everytime you decide against us!

So you'd rather earn your money? But what about the 'key' that we are offering (You just have to be a spy till you turn 65!)?

No, not that regulation. Put him in this one. We stand to profit if he stings us.

But you resigned from the job!! (Who said we forged your resignation?)

Let's add up the numbers. Hmm, so it makes sense to violate the rules and drag the matter in to the Presidential elections year. (That's right, we did contribute to his campaign the last time around) You got yourself a pay hike, smart guy!

Those documents were shredded just last week!!

We don't subscribe to that journal.

We bench you everytime you earn money or win a regulation!

Well yes, the earth belongs to us. Try Mars!

Honest to God, we don't sell your soul to the devil.

That vent is a standby!!!!

That gift from that relative ..yeah, the one beside the pretty one.. wasn't from her you know!

Don't be naive. That special award was not for your work.

Yes, it is our right to stalk you and smoke you out.....(and the car tailgating you was just the 'you have a friend in me' guy)!

No, we have no ties with the Sicilian mafia!

What makes you think the plane did not fall out of the sky by accident?? (...he just happened to be on board)

Believe me, it was an arranged marriage!

That data point? Honest to God, just an outlier!

No, we don't suppress the left-leaning intelligent at school. What made you suspect so?

Witchcraft and headshrinkers? ... Did I hear you right?

A paper? With this result? You must be joking!

The only way we can win the regulation is by turning you insane and bankrupt! Wouldn't you cooperate? Is that too much to ask for?

You won the regulation? Alright, we'll 'reboot' you; Return to your country and start as an unemployed. (Now DON'T give that quizzical look!)

We make sure the judge is jailed as a criminal on the day we make a 'deal of the century' with the lameduck President!!!

So, we can't get away with the rape of earth by promoting you from intern to a full-time status???

You want more data?? What for? The regulation is already decided. Ask your boss!!!

We don't capture regulators. We own them!



Don't chew too long. You might bite your tongue .. and have a bitter aftertaste!